Emily's Secret
by lilienprinzessin
Summary: COMPLETE! This is a story told from Emily’s POV. It’s written for the Minor Character Ficathon. It takes place one year after season 6. Rory is back at Yale and Luke and Lorelai are married. Richard and Emily did attend the wedding, but the relationship b
1. Sept 22nd

**Emily's Secret**

**Disclaimer: **Iown nothing. The characters all belong to Amy Sherman - Palladino. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit will be made from this story.

**Author's Note: **_This is a story told from Emily's POV. It's written for the Minor Character Ficathon. It takes place one year after season 6. Rory is back at Yale and Luke and Lorelai are married. Richard and Emily did attend the wedding, but the relationship between them and Lorelai still isn't the best one._

I want to thank my great beta **llanoestacado, **who helped me with grammar and the story as a whole. Your work is very appreciated.

**Chapter 1: Sept. 22nd**

"_Lorelai, I'm inviting you and your husband to dinner – so stop being rude."_ I say to my daughter as I'm walking through the living-room, the phone in my right hand.

I haven't seen them for weeks. I don't know why she can't come over once in a while.

"_Mother, I have guests here, I don't have the time to argue with you."_

"_So, will you be there?"_

"_When?"_

She can't be serious – didn't she listen to me at all?

"_Sept. 22nd, I just invited you and Luke to dinner on Sept. 22nd – really Lorelai, you shouldn't talk to someone when you're not listening anyway."_

"_Fine – I have to go. Bye Mom."_

"_So I'll see you Tuesday? Lorelai!"_

She hung up on me. I can't believe it. Why is it that my only child can't come over to dinner, can't even have a decent conversation with me? What did go wrong? I sigh. Rory instead – I'm really glad to have her. She comes every Friday. I enjoy these evenings. But Sept. 22nd isn't a Friday. It's a Tuesday. I dial the telephone once again.

"_Hello?"_

"_Rory, it's your grandmother."_

"_Hi Grandma. How are you?"_

"_I'm fine, thank you Sweetie. I was wondering if you could come to dinner on Tuesday next week."_

"_Tuesday?"_

"_Yes, that would be nice."_

"_Uh – Tuesday, yeah, I think that would work."_

"_It's just this one time, and I'd love to have you over."_

"_Okay – I'll be there on Tuesday. I'd love to come Grandma."_

"_Wonderful. Thank you, Rory. And don't worry - it's a one-time occasion."_

"_So, what's so special about this Tuesday?"_

I've dreaded this question. Lorelai didn't even pay enough attention to ask it, but Rory...

"_Nothing. I just want to have dinner with the whole family every now and then." _I say matter of factly.

"_So, Mom and Luke will be there as well?"_

"_I invited them, but your mother wasn't sure if they'd have time."_

"_Oh – well Grandma I'm sorry but I have to leave for class right now."_

"_Of course you have to. I didn't mean to disturb you. See you on Friday, Rory."_

"_See you on Friday."_

At least that went well. I'm thinking about calling Lorelai again. It really is important to me to have her here on Tuesday, but she was so rude, so oblivious to me. I sigh again.

* * *

Richard and I are having dinner. I'm quietly eating.

"_How was your day Emily?"_

I look up at him.

"_Fine," _I lie.

We're quiet again.

"_How was your day?" _I ask him.

"_Fine," _he answers, giving me a look that tells me he knows perfectly well that my day wasn't 'fine'.

I sigh.

"_I've invited Rory and Lorelai for dinner Sept. 22nd, Rory agreed to come but Lorelai… she was rude and wouldn't answer my invitation."_

When I mention the date his face falls. I stop talking. I don't want to discuss this day, it's just too hard. After a minute he speaks again.

"_You want her to come, don't you?" _he asks me hoarsely.

Of course I want that and you know it. I've always tried to get in touch with her on that day. After she'd left us with Rory that was nearly impossible, I only managed to get in touch with her twice on that day until Rory went to Chilton.

I nod at Richard.

"_She'll be here. Don't you worry," _he says.

I think about asking him how he wants to do this. To tell him he shouldn't do this. To tell him that it means nothing when she's only coming because of some threat by her father or guilt or whatever the reason that will bring her here. But I can't. I want her here. I need her here. More than Rory. And even if her reasons aren't the best, I don't have any other choice than to accept it. I nod at him again.

* * *

It's Saturday. I figured that Richard was going over to Stars Hollow today. When he arrives home I'm waiting for him.

"_And?" _I ask impatiently.

"_They'll come."_

I'm relieved. I walk over to him to give him a hug.

"_Thank you, Richard."_

I look at him and I can feel tears glistening in my eyes, as I gaze into his equally tear-filled eyes.

* * *

Lorelai didn't come. I don't get it. I had trouble pretending it wasn't a big deal around Rory. Thankfully she had to leave early. As soon as she shut the door I went upstairs. I know that Richard tried to call them but he didn't have any luck. What are they thinking, that all of this is a big joke? _Hey Mom wants us to come so let's first decline then say we're coming only to end up not to and not to even answer the phone?_

Part of me wants to drive to Stars Hollow to give her a piece of my mind. But I'm too sad to do this. More sad than angry right now. And it would be too dangerous, I would say things she doesn't need to know and she would ask questions I don't want to answer.

Richard is coming in. I'm standing at the window staring outside, I don't want to face him right now – it would hurt both of us. When he approaches me he puts his arms around my waist.

"_I'm sorry Emily." _he whispers into my hair. _"They promised me they would come, I swear. Both of them."_

"_It's not your fault," _I manage to say.

"_I would like to drive out there to give them a piece of my mind. I would have never thought they'd break their promise," _he says and I can hear the anger in his voice.

"_Don't leave me alone," _I whisper.

"_I won't."_

* * *

"_Leave me alone, Richard!" I yell._

"_But Emily – "_

"_No, you don't understand anything. Leave me alone!" I demand again – this time threateningly calm._

_I hate myself for the hurt look these words bring to his face, but I can't help it. He slowly retreats and shuts the door. I begin to cry._

* * *

How things have changed… 


	2. The Reason

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the reviews and again thanks to my great beta **llanoestacado.**

**Chapter 2: The Reason**

I still haven't heard from Lorelai. Nothing - and she won't answer her phone – neither will Luke. Sadness is leaving and anger is taking over. I tried to interrogate Rory about her mother, but nothing. She's just weird on the phone and hangs up as soon as possible. It's annoying and I won't take it anymore. And I won't wait until Friday to get to know the truth. I'll drive to Yale – now. The surprise visit will only be an advantage. Rory doesn't think that she'd have to deal with me in person until tomorrow. I knock at her door.

"_Grandma, what are you doing here?" _a very surprised Rory asks me.

"_I thought I'd come by to see how you are. May I come in?"_

"_Of - of course. Come in,"_ she stammers.

"_So how are you?"_

"_I'm fine. - How are you?"_

"_I keep asking myself why your behaviour on the phone is so bizarre," _I say coming right to the point.

There's no place for small talk. I have to keep the advantage of the surprise.

"_Bizarre?"_

"_Yes. You've been hanging up as soon as possible. I expect this behaviour from your mother, but not from you. Speaking of your mother, have you heard from her lately?"_

"_Grandma, please – "_

"_I won't leave until you tell me what's going on with her. I know that something's wrong. She promised to come, I can't get her on the phone – nor can I reach Luke. So?"_

I look expectantly at her. She's squirming. I can't remember that I've ever talked to her that way, but it's my last option. I don't take my eyes off of her.

"_She had a miscarriage," _Rory finally whispers.

I feel like someone had slapped me.

"_Wha – What?" _I stammer.

"_She had a miscarriage – on Tuesday. That's why they didn't come. That's why they're not answering their phones. She's not leaving her bed. She doesn't even want to see me – or Luke."_ Rory says teary-eyed.

I didn't even know that she was pregnant. She had a miscarriage – on Sept. 22nd. She's not leaving her bed. She doesn't want to see anyone. I'm looking at Rory again. I haven't even noticed before how miserable she's looking.

"_I – I have to go," _I say as I turn around.

"_Grandma, please. Don't be mad. She doesn't want anybody to know…"_

I don't hear anything else she says. I drive back to Hartford in a trance. It's a miracle that I don't cause an accident.

When Richard sees me he reacts as though I'm a ghost.

"_Emily, what happened? You're white as a sheet."_

"_She had a miscarriage, Richard. Lorelai had a miscarriage - on Sept. 22nd. That's why they didn't come," _I say as I throw myself in his arms and begin to cry.

He holds me silently for some time.

"_So – Lorelai told you this?" _he finally asks.

"_No – Rory. I cornered her. I made it very clear that I wouldn't leave without knowing the truth," _I say trying to control the sobs.

I have to go to Lorelai. She needs me, I just know it.

"_I have to go," _I say suddenly to Richard.

"_Emily, do you really think that's wise? I don't think that she wants to see you, not right now. She didn't even tell us."_

"_I have to go there," _I breathe, quickly adding, _"and I need to go there alone." _

He nods. He lifts my chin up to face him and kisses me gently.

"_I love you Emily, don't you ever forget that."_

"_I love you, Richard," _I say and I kiss him back.

I turn and I'm on my way to Stars Hollow.

* * *

I'm sitting in my car looking at her house. It's dark. It doesn't look like anyone is home, but I know she is. And I know that I should go in there, but it's more difficult than I thought it would be. I need all my strength to do what I have to do now.

Finally I get out of the car. I knock on the door. Luke opens the door, and I see the panicked look in his eyes. He looks completely dishevelled.

"_Hello, Luke."_

"_Emily."_

"_May I come in?"_

"_I don't think – Lorelai is – "_

But I ignore his babbling. I'm already inside the house. It's a complete mess. As I'm about to go upstairs Luke grabs my wrist to hold me back.

"_You can't go up there," _he says hoarsely.

I notice that he was crying before I arrived.

"_Why not?" _I demand.

"_She doesn't want to see anyone. Please don't upset her. Please leave."_

His eyes are pleading with me, but somehow his look already says that he knows that I will win this.

"_I can't. I have to see her. I won't upset her," _I promise him.

Will I be able to keep this promise? I don't know.

"_Oh yes you will," _he's muttering.

I decide to ignore it. I'm not here to fight.

"_Luke, I have to ask you to let go of my arm. I will go to her. She needs me. She needs her mother,"_ I state firmly.

I'm looking into his eyes. I can see his despair. Slowly he's letting go of my arm.

"_Thank you," _I say.

I begin walking up the stairs.

"_Emily?"_

I turn to look at him.

"_She hasn't really eaten since… I have soup in the kitchen. Maybe you can convince her to eat some of it."_

I nod at him. So she's not eating either.

I take a deep breath as I stand in front of her bedroom door. I knock. No response. I knock again. Still no response. Quietly, I open the door. She's lying in bed staring out of the window. She doesn't turn around when I enter.

"_Luke, I told you I want to be alone, why can't you understand?"_

"_I'm not Luke."_


	3. Emily's Secret

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the reviews and **llanoestacado **thanks for being a fantastic beta.

**Chapter 3: Emily's Secret**

She turns around.

"_What are you doing here?" _she spits at me.

"_I'm here to see you," _I say, taking off my coat.

"_But I don't want to see you. Leave, Mother," _she demands.

"_I'm sorry, I can't," _I say and I sit down on her bed.

"_Mom please, for once, can't you respect my wishes. I don't want to see you, and don't be insulted, because it's not only you. I don't want to see anyone, so please leave."_

"_You should eat a little. Luke told me you haven't eaten properly in days," _I say completely ignoring what she just said.

"_Luke told you? Don't tell me he called you to come over."_

"_No dear. He didn't tell me anything."_

"_Then how do you know it?"_

"_That's not important."_

"_Rory - of course it was Rory."_

"_Don't be mad at her, I cornered her. She had no choice."_

"_Of course – you're good at cornering people. So what do you want here? Complain about our absence on Tuesday? I'm sorry we missed this important dinner, but I had a miscarriage, I hope that counts for an excuse."_

That hurt. But she's hurt. She's acting this way, because she's terribly hurt.

"_So when do you plan to get out of bed again?"_

"_Go, Mother."_

"_Lorelai – "_

"_No, I don't want to get up again. Can't anybody understand that? Everyone is coming in here telling me what to do. But I can't. However I don't expect you to understand that Mother, so please go."_

"_I understand you," _I simply say.

She's looking at me.

"_No you don't. You never had a miscarriage."_

Now I have to say it, to say what I'd hidden for so long. The reason why I'm here. The reason why I'm the one who can help her through this.

"_On Sept. 22nd I lost my second child."_

She's staring at me – dumbfounded.

"_That's why this date is so important to me .That's why I was insisting on having a family dinner. To prove myself that I still have one healthy child. You see, I know exactly how you feel."_

"_Your second child?" _she whispers.

"_My second child," _I state.

"_How come I never knew?"_

"_It's difficult for me to talk about these times. When I had you, your father and I were so happy, that I decided not to talk about it ever again. But I couldn't forget. Of course I couldn't."_

I have trouble to fight back the tears.

"_Tell me about it Mom."_

I take a deep breath before I start.

"_The first baby I lost two weeks after I'd found out, that I was pregnant – on Feb. 3rd. The estimated birth date would have been Sept. 22nd." _

She stares at me incredulously.

"_Yes, God has a sense of dark humour. Really nothing good is going to happen on this date. – Of course I was devastated. Unfortunately Richard had already told his mother and she was terrible. Interrogating me what I'd done wrong, cause 'Gilmore's don't lose their babies'. As if I wouldn't have asked myself several times what I'd done wrong. I wanted to be left alone. But your father wasn't one who gave up easily. He was at my side, and I'm still very grateful for that." _

I pause for a second. It's true he didn't gave up, no matter how often I stated I wanted to be alone – he always came around – holding me, comforting me.

"_Soon I got pregnant again. That was the other thing that helped me during that phase – that the doctors assured me that I could get pregnant again. You can imagine that I followed every rule they'd given me. And finally I was three months pregnant and nothing had happened. Your father and I were already celebrating. Most miscarriages happen during the first three months and we were sure that everything would be fine this time. Two weeks later Sept. 22nd came around." _I pause, barely able to finish the last sentence.

A tear is rolling down my cheek now.

"_Oh Mom – " _Lorelai has tears in her eyes too.

I stretch out my hand to pet hers.

"_This time I'd lost all hope. I was desperate. I was sure no one would understand me – not even your father. And I still think I'm right in thinking that. It wasn't him who had shared his body with the baby. He didn't know my feelings. I refused to eat, I refused to talk to him about it. I yelled at him to leave me alone. I was hurt so much. You see? I know exactly how you're feeling."_

"_What changed your mind?"_

"_I was pretty consequent with my refusal to eat. Your father had to call the doctor at last. The doctor asked me directly if I planned to die, because that would be the result if I continued my behaviour. At that moment I caught your father's eye. I'll never forget it. He was scared to death to lose me. And then it hit me. I wasn't the only who'd lost her baby. He had been equally excited about it and it was just as much his loss as it was mine. He may not have carried it inside him, but it was his loss all the same. The look he gave me, I knew I had to fight, I had to survive - for him."_

I stopped my monologue to study her face. To see whether she understood what I was telling her.

"_Lorelai, Luke is devastated. He's lost without you. He needs you. He needs to come here to comfort you and for you to comfort him. It was his child, too."_

She slowly nods.

"_I would've loved to become a mother again," _she finally says.

"_And I would've loved to become a grandmother again,"_ I admit.

We're looking at each other.

"_Mom, we'd planned to tell you on Sept. 22nd. Really."_

I nod at her as another tear is rolling down her cheek. It hurts to see her in such a condition. If I could only help her more.

"_You can get pregnant again, right?"_ I ask her, trying to lead the conversation to a topic that helped me back then.

"_Yes, they said it's still possible."_

"_You have to look forward Lorelai. Don't misunderstand me, you'll never forget this child. It will always have a place in your heart and you'll always remember it on Sept. 22nd, but you have to see the future. And Rory, you already have her. Don't shut everyone out, my girl. They need you – and you need them. You might think being alone is the ultimate solution right now – but it isn't. Believe me, I've been there." _

"_I don't know if I can do this."_

"_You can," _I say as I caress her cheek.

"_I think I'll leave you alone now. I'd like to come back tomorrow though."_

She nods again. I take my coat and go to the door.

"_Mom?"_

I turn around to face her again.

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome dear."_

I'm nearly outside her room when I turn around again.

"_Do you think I can tell Luke to come upstairs with some soup? That would make him very happy, he's worried sick about you."_

"_Soup would be good," _she says, giving me a weak smile.

I smile back at her before closing the door.

Luke is sitting on the couch staring into space. When he notices my presence he stands up.

"_She wants to have some of your soup."_

"_Wha – How did you- ?"_

"_It should be hot. Lorelai hates cold soup."_

"_Yeah, sure," _he says still not moving.

"_Don't wait too long – she also has a tendency to change her mind."_

"_Yeah."_

He's still dumbstruck. Slowly he moves to the kitchen. I'm on my way to the front door when he calls me.

"_Emily?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome."_

- THE END –


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